Quotes By Jay Leno
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
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Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances.
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Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
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If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
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I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
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There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. The real trick is not to try to get the whole pie, but to keep the biggest slice.
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You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.
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